Wednesday, June 18, 2014

The One who Loved and Cared More

In every relationship, someone would always love and care for the other more.

I'm not here to prove or disprove this statement. There's just no point to it. It's the truth- plain and simple. And, that's okay. Really, it's fine. That is, until you wake up one morning and realize that you're that sucker. Well, some people will say that it's okay for them not to have their feelings reciprocated. But, really, just how long will that be okay?

Just how much pain is the heart capable of taking before it breaks? They say the heart is stronger than we give it credit for. But, surely, it still has limits? After all, that is the only way I can put what I am going through. My heart has reached its limits. And, rightly so, as my brain would agree. Apparently, the greater strength of the heart is accompanied by greater stupidity. That's why the heart and the brain almost always disagree.

Anyway, I find myself hanging on by the edge of a cliff. I feel the pain as I struggle to keep hold. I feel the wounds of past such encounters. I see the scars. Yet, when I peer up and try to see the one thing that has kept me fighting to hold on, I see nothing. I see no point to this struggle, to this pain, to this sacrifice.

It is at this time that I ask myself the questions I have ignored before. Why am I doing this? What do I seek to achieve by putting up such masochistic efforts? For whom/what am I doing this? Is it still worth it? Had it ever been worth it?

These questions fill my mind and I can give no satisfactory answer. So, I close my eyes and let go. And, as the darkness of the abyss embraces me, I slowly smile.

I may not know what's waiting for me at the bottom, but I do know that I'm not that sucker anymore.

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