At First Sight

Everyone is so caught up with the idea of love at first sight. To look at a person for the first time and know, within the next few seconds, that he or she is The One. To just look that person in the eyes and feel electricity fizzle in the air. To have your heart beat so wildly with just the sight of his or her smile. To feel, with certainty, that you two were meant for each other. All these, with just a few seconds of shared look. This is love at first sight.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if it were that easy? To not have to go through the pain of lost and misplaced love. To not have to risk having your heart broken for just the chance at having what so many desire- true love. To be able to know whether he or she is your soul mate or not without having to go through the roller coaster of a relationship. To not have to waste time with the wrong person. To just look and know.

I never believed in love at first sight. It was ridiculous. I mean, if it was real, then why are there so many broken hearts and damaged souls in the world? I didn't believe. So, it came after me and showed me. It is real. To a point, at least.

I don't think it happens to everyone. But there comes a time when you meet someone and you feel this undeniably strong attraction towards him or her. Your heart beats faster than normal. You have this feeling in your gut that just tells you that this person is someone important. And, you start to think that he or she is The One. And, you believe. That was love at first sight. Or so you thought. But, is it really?

We all live our lives with an idea of who we want to be with, who we want to spend the rest of our lives with. We paint a picture in our heads. We make a list of attributes. We imagine. We day dream. We form an image. And, we hold on to that image. And, we use that image. Subconsciously, we end up comparing every potential interest we meet to that image we have in our heads. Times come when we meet someone who matches this image we have. In about eight seconds, we're so sure we're looking at The One. So sure that we're in love. Because, what more could it be than love at first sight?

Love is a strong word. Too strong to be taken lightly as is so commonly done in the notion of love at first sight. So, no. That is not love. But the attraction is there -too strong to be called nothing yet to flimsy to be called love. So we go with like. Like at first sight.

Handicapped

What's the difference between a beggar and a mutilated beggar? Between a painter and a blind painter?

The former is physically fit while the latter is not. And, that changes everything.

Because, when you see the two beggars sitting side by side on the sidewalk, you would be more inclined to give alms to the mutilated beggar. And, when you see the work of the two painters, you would be more in awe of the blind artist than the "normal" painter, regardless of actual skill and talent.

Our society is one which judges with double standards. It is unacceptable for a man to be so stricken by poverty that he'd need to beg, yet it is only natural for a deaf man to do so. Because, really, it's simply unthinkable for a man not to be able to find a job in our current economy. Please note my sarcasm here.

Of course, I'm not saying that it's okay to beg. I'm actually a firm believer that everyone has been given what they need to succeed in life. They just need to want it enough and work hard for it. But, the point remains that there are differing standards between "normal" people and the physically disadvantaged ones.

A painter and a blind painter. While there remain to be objective critics, pit them against each other and the majority would say that the blind artist is better. Because, no skill or talent of the physically fit can compare to that of a man who had to overcome his disability in order to do what he does.

Do you see? The difference between ordinary people and the handicapped?

It's unfair!

People who cannot see, who cannot hear, talk, walk, or those who are missing limbs. They are labeled as handicapped. Disabled. Disadvantaged. And, because of these labels, they are given leniency in everything. But, really, doesn't that make us- the fit people- handicapped, too?

We need to reach greater heights to make something out of ourselves. Mistakes are unforgivable. Reaching bottom is disgraceful. We are judged by an entirely different scale. In doing so, are we not handicapped, too? Weighed down by harsher judgments? Crushed by greater expectations? Undervalued? Underappreciated? And, to a point, unrecognized?

Daydreaming. It Pays Off.

You know those days when you inexplicably feel down and nothing can make you feel better but gorging in sweets and coffee? Yeah. I was having one of those days. And, I couldn't, for the life of me, decide where I wanted to mope. Then, I thought of this one book cafe. It was not a place I frequented but I supposed that was the point. It meant that there was a lower possibility of me encountering unwanted people. So, I decided to go there.

I'd sit in a corner and eat sweets and have coffee. And, this guy would approach me with a lame joke but I'd laugh, anyway. Because I'd like that. I'd like that he'd noticed that I was in a bad mood. I'd like that he'd have the guts to walk up to me despite said mood. I'd like that he'd care enough about a stranger to go through the embarrassing act of delivering a lame joke just for a chance to make me smile.

I'd like all of these about him. So, by extension, I'd like him. Enough so that I would let him share the table with me. And, he'd entertain me with witty comments about the world. Because really, who doesn't want a playful banter about the workings of our society. Especially if in the process of doing so, you get to blame everyone else for your failures. And, you know you're wrong and that your failures are your fault alone. But, it doesn't matter. Because, slowly you feel better about yourself. All because of a stranger. A stranger who, you realize, has not bothered to give you a name.

And, so he extends his hand to you and opens his mouth to speak his moniker-

"Para po!" I called out to the driver, signalling that I was to get off.

The public utility jeepney screeched to a stop and I quickly got off, relieved that I had managed to snap out of my daydream just in time to get off in front of the book cafe.

Yes, daydream. I love to daydream. To stare off into space and lock myself in LaLa Land and just imagine all the things I want to happen in my life. Daydreaming happens to be one of my favorite past times. But the thing about daydreaming is that you never expect it to happen in real life.

So, imagine my surprise when, as soon as I reached the top step to the book cafe, I saw his familiar face. In an instant, I felt all my problems disappear. And, for the love of all that is holy, I couldn't stop myself from grinning from ear to ear. But, who could blame me?

So, I took a seat and waited. Because, really, all that needed to happen next was for him to approach me. He never did, though. But, that couldn't dampen my spirits at that time. After all, I felt like my day dreaming has drawn him to me, somehow. I might not have gotten what I wanted. I got a long-time crush instead of a stranger. And, that was so much better. So, yeah. Daydreaming. It pays off.

Why Good Girls Love Bad Boys

1. Yin Yang

Opposites attract. This, despite the protests of some, is true. Heck, even science agrees with it. Positively-charged ions are attracted to negatively-charged ones. Only in this case, good girls are attracted to bad boys.

There is simply something about a person who is the exact opposite of who you are. You just can't help but be attracted to him/her. This tendency might be based on something as simple as curiosity. A good girl has, by definition, never stepped a foot outside the zone of all that is right and by the law. She knows nothing about the life and ways of a bad boy. And, so, when she meets one, she cannot help but be drawn in by the mystery of it all.

2. Freedom
You remember looking at Ms. Goody Two Shoes and thinking, "Wow, her life must be so boring." And you know what, you just might have been right. Her life might really be boring. Well, dull and mundane might be better ways of saying it. But really, there doesn't seem to be much a good girl is allowed to do. She lives restricted not only by the law but by norms and expectations and other binding rules. And, as the chains wrap tighter and tighter around her, her need and desire to break free only grows stronger. Just imagine the temptations and possibilities a bad boy offers!

3. Fixers Fix Broken Things

Good girls are fixers.

And, fixers think they can fix broken things.

Unfortunate as it may seem, bad boys are listed under said "broken things". Apparently, bad boys are simply good boys that have been broken by circumstances in their past.

4. Alternative Drug

Lying.
Skipping classes.
Riding motorcycles.
Jumping off cliffs (and into cold, turgid waters, of course).
Breaking the law.
Each of these is an adrenaline-inducing activity leading to adrenaline rush. The sudden release of chemicals that causes your brain to overdrive. Harmless. I know that's how it may seem. But, just look at what happened to Bella.

5. Change

They say change is the only constant in the world. It is inevitable.
So, maybe good girls are just waiting for a change. And, maybe they're too afraid to start it themselves so they need someone braver to trigger it for them.

The One who Loved and Cared More

In every relationship, someone would always love and care for the other more.

I'm not here to prove or disprove this statement. There's just no point to it. It's the truth- plain and simple. And, that's okay. Really, it's fine. That is, until you wake up one morning and realize that you're that sucker. Well, some people will say that it's okay for them not to have their feelings reciprocated. But, really, just how long will that be okay?

Just how much pain is the heart capable of taking before it breaks? They say the heart is stronger than we give it credit for. But, surely, it still has limits? After all, that is the only way I can put what I am going through. My heart has reached its limits. And, rightly so, as my brain would agree. Apparently, the greater strength of the heart is accompanied by greater stupidity. That's why the heart and the brain almost always disagree.

Anyway, I find myself hanging on by the edge of a cliff. I feel the pain as I struggle to keep hold. I feel the wounds of past such encounters. I see the scars. Yet, when I peer up and try to see the one thing that has kept me fighting to hold on, I see nothing. I see no point to this struggle, to this pain, to this sacrifice.

It is at this time that I ask myself the questions I have ignored before. Why am I doing this? What do I seek to achieve by putting up such masochistic efforts? For whom/what am I doing this? Is it still worth it? Had it ever been worth it?

These questions fill my mind and I can give no satisfactory answer. So, I close my eyes and let go. And, as the darkness of the abyss embraces me, I slowly smile.

I may not know what's waiting for me at the bottom, but I do know that I'm not that sucker anymore.