Saturday, January 28, 2017

The Three Golden Letters

I've recently been asked a lot for tips on taking the board examinations for Medical Technology. And, being the eloquent speaker that I am, I just give them a smile. I find it difficult to answer questions like that because my methods may not work well for everyone. But here are some things that I think might help those who are currently preparing to take the examinations.

Preparation for boards.
1. ON BOOKS. Stick to the ones you've read. There's a reason it's called a review.
I've had people come up and ask me what books they should read for the boards and I always tell them to just go with the ones they've used during their classes. This is mostly because I rely more on notes given by my trusted instructors but also because books give information in bulks that can be too hard to digest at first reading. So, it will be better to stick to the ones you're familiar with.

2. ON NOTES. Make your own. If you don't have enough time, then own the notes given you.
I've seen some really studious people make their own notes. Then, with each reading, they make outlines of their outlines, until all the information they need has been summarized in little cue cards. It takes a lot of time but you can't doubt that they're just a level ahead of those who rely on notes written by other people. But, if you don't have enough time to do this or maybe you're just too lazy, it's okay. All you need to do is to own those notes. Understand the topics. Don't just memorize. Memorization can only take you so far. And, add your own little side notes- things that you think might be important. If the mnemonics don't work for you, make your own. If the arrangement of topics don't work for you, rearrange them. Just, you know, own those notes.
But if you want to review during the break just before exams, you might still want to make some notes. Just pick a few topics that you feel you need to refresh just before the exam and keep them handy. Or, do what others do, and bring your stack of notes and flip through them like crazy just before the exam. Just a warning, this might overwhelm you and lead to mental block.

3. ON CAFFEINE. Drinking coffee is not the only way to stay awake.
I drink coffee. A lot. And, if you're not prone to palpitations or hyperacidity or GERD, there's no problem. But for people like me, finding an alternative is advisable. Besides, drinking coffee may give you a spurt of energy for a few hours but it drains you after a while, too, leading to a lot of unnecessary naps. If that's not bad enough, you could develop a sort of dependence on coffee. Imagine having to drink coffee during the examination proper just so you wouldn't doze off while answering your exam. Where would you even find coffee in the examination site? And just how many times do you want to disturb your thought process just because you need to go pee? That is, if you're lucky enough to be assigned a room with its own comfort room. If not, how uncomfortable would it be to answer an exam when all your body can think of is relieving itself?
Alternatives: Apples, Exercise (Joan Watson of Elementary did squats through med school), Sufficient sleep

4. ON SLEEPING HABITS. Your body's biological clock needs to be trained, too.
You should be as aware of your circadian rhythm as you are of all those parasites. You need to think of the schedule you'll be following during the exam proper and train your mind to be sharp and fully functional by the time you'll be taking your first examination. This means you need to follow a regular sleeping schedule. You also need to start waking up early, around the time you need to be up for the exam proper. I understand that a lot of people are fond of staying up late and cramming but this is something you should do at least two weeks before your scheduled exam.

5. ON NERVES. To me, the board exam is more a test of nerves than of knowledge.
Don't let your anxiety get the better of you. But, at the same time, don't let overconfidence fool you. You are your own best judge. Be honest with yourself, are you ready? If not, then keep reviewing. Some people don't study during the last few days before the exam proper. They take this time to try to relax. It works for some people, but for others, it's more productive to just keep on reviewing. You know yourself, so decide which one would suit you better. Just, don't sell yourself short. You spent years studying those topics. You already know everything that's going to be on the exam, you just need to dig deep and remember those things.

6. ON SITE VISITS. Familiarize yourself with the room that will decide how your next year will play out.
Check where your room is. Make sure your name is on the list posted by the door. Check the temperature. Will you be needing a jacket? Check where the rest rooms are. You'll need it, trust me. Check the route to your test location. How much time do you need to get there? What time do you need to be up? How will you get there? It's important that you're not late for the exams but you shouldn't be too early either. If you're the type who gets easily influenced by other people, you might want to avoid getting to the test site too early, 15 minutes early is good time. Because if you're there early, the tendency is you'll be there with other nervous examinees who keep digging in their bags for notes, or who keep pacing, or who keep going to the CR. Don't give them the opportunity to make you any more nervous than you already are.

7. ON SELF. Take care of yourself. You need your body and mind to be at their prime.
This means you need to eat healthy and get sufficient sleep. Don't skip meals just so you have more time to read. Don't deprive yourself of sleep just so you can cram a few more books in your head.

8. ON PRAYING. It always feels reassuring to know you have someone backing you up.
Pray. Not just to pass but to be able to focus well during review, to be able to retain what you've reviewed, and to be able to remember all the theories and principles that you grudgingly learned in the last few years.

During the examination proper.
1. SLEEP. Give yourself plenty of rest before the big day.
Don't stay up the whole night studying only for you to be too sleep-deprived to understand the questions your reading through bleary eyes the next day.

2. PRAY. Not just after the exam but before and during it.
Pray for inner peace, for wisdom, for understanding, and for access to the knowledge I'm sure is just sitting in your brain.

3. TAKE YOUR TIME. Don't rush. Finishing first doesn't mean you get more answers right.
You have two hours for each exam. Maximize your time.

4. SHADE WELL. Not too dark. Not too light.
They say you see a kind of sheen when you've shaded the circles enough. But, don't be so heavy with your pencil. Just in case you need to change your answer. I know, I know. You should be sure of your answers before shading them. But, just in case.
And bring some spare pencils too. Or a sharpener, at least.

5. BRING MEDS. Be prepared for everything.
You never know what'll happen so just bring everything. You should have medicine for fever, headache, hyperacidity, menstrual cramps.

6. HAVE FOOD ON HAND. Your brain uses up a lot of glucose when in use.
The classic food advised for exams is dark chocolate. But I say, anything works so long as it's easy to eat and is not disturbingly noisy. You'll be allowed to bring in food during the exams and while you might not think you'll need it, it's still better to know that you have that chocolate bar to munch on just in case you get hungry during those two long hours. Just make sure it's not the kind of food that will distract you from the exam. Or that, you know, it's not the kind that will drip sauce or spread crumbs all over your answer sheet.
Also, if you're having your food delivered or catered by someone during the exam, it's always smarter to still have some food in your bag. Like some bread or cookies, maybe. Because delays happen.
Just be armed with food, food, food. And water. Because there's nothing more difficult than having to sit for an exam on an empty stomach.

7. KEEP MOVING FORWARD. You have plenty of time to mourn over your answers after finishing all the exams.
Don't be that guy who can't stop checking his notes for the answers to the last exam. You have six exams to sit for. Keep moving forward. You can't let your mistakes from the last exam keep you distracted during the next ones. You have three full days to lament yourself when all the exams have been answered and done with.

Waiting for the verdict.
1. GO OUT AND CELEBRATE. No matter what the results are, if you know you've given your best then you deserve to give yourself a reward. Go meet with friends or shop or just eat a lot. And, it's okay to make a rule not to talk about anything board-related. Just enjoy. The three days will be a little less excruciating this way.
Or, if you're not the type to go out, just tell me and I'll give you a list of all the KDrama you might have missed out on during your review.

Now. Here's the most important thing. I believe in the power of the tongue. Give it enough faith and conviction, and I believe that words can be very powerful. So claim it. Claim it out loud. If you're serious with your review, then I already believe that you're an RMT. So should you.

Just one last thing. I know that a lot of you are nervous. And, you've heard a lot of things that you should do during and after the exams to ensure a pass. And, I won't judge you if you choose to do them. But, here's the thing. I believe in God and I acknowledge that I am where I am because of Him. And, I think that would feel more rewarding than having to think that you passed just because you broke your exam pencil in two after the exams or that you shook your chair hard and you walked out your exam room without looking back. Just saying. To each his own, right?
Needless to say, I won't be sharpening any pencils for any examinee this February. But I will be praying for all of you.

Study hard and God bless, RMTs!

Friday, October 21, 2016

From Afar

You get angry. You lash out. You throw things around. You say things- things that may be true, things that may not be, either way they are things meant to hurt us. You pretend to be strong, standing all by yourself, but your solitary image just looks pitiful from where I stand. I know better than to believe the brave face you put on. Years of having one-sided conversations with you have taught me that you are far more vulnerable than you'd like to admit. I know because I listened. Now, if only you knew how to do that. If only you did not allow a mere number like age become such a great divide between us.

You are the woman who never asked me how I was doing no matter how dreadful I must have looked. And, so you are a woman we never asked about because by never asking us that question, you never gave us permission to ask it of you. You live on pride and you believe in a rigid hierarchy. So much so that asking that simple question can be misconstrued as an affront to you. Regardless, I know how you are doing. Or, at least, I know as much as what I can glean from your actions, your words and the feelings you try to hide.

You are the woman whose silent cries move me to tears even if my own tears never seemed to move you. Life is harsh, with numerous obstacles in the way. Humans were not made to live life alone. Yet, you seem to keep trying to do this. You boast about the things you've managed to do on your own and claim that you need no one. But in the solitude of your room, you hunch your back- weighed down by the world- and shed quiet tears. I am sorry. I understand your struggles but I cannot share them. Our inability to level with each other makes it impossible to share burdens. And, in the end, I struggle tremendously under the weight of your accusations of my indifference, the pressure to make something of the life you so "generously" gave to me, and my own need to become who I was meant to be.

You are the woman who never says 'sorry' and 'thank you' but always forces those words from us. What has the world come to that now gratitude and remorse are things that are demanded from people? Are these not feelings that need to be born of sincerity? We've argued this to you, of course, but you just raised your voice higher as if being louder means you are right. Do you not hear the contempt behind the words we grudgingly mutter? Have you become that indifferent or do you just not know sincerity? Humans are imperfect. Everyone makes mistakes. But you never admit to yours because you believe that to fulfill your role you must be irreproachable. I keep saying that you are not, but I don't get to say that, do I? Because I am lower than you.

You are a woman whose self-centered words make your selfless acts meaningless. You insist you are self-sacrificing, yet in every opportunity you get you demand that we pay you back for the career you could have had, the blissful single life you could have enjoyed. You say you did everything for us in the same breath that you admit that you wish we hadn't been born. You are lost in your own pool of regrets and, with no one else to blame, you blame us. You say I am a child- ignorant of the world. But I know this thing- they are not really sacrifices if you have to keep demanding us for the cost of what you lost. And so, your continuous nagging make it almost impossible for me to feel grateful to you.

You are a narcissitic perfectionist. You need everything to be perfect and done in the way you would do it- because in your mind, your way is the best way. You have so much confidence in yourself- your abilities, your knowledge. You think you are superior to everyone. It must be the god complex doctors have. So, you micromanage everything and then claim that you are exhausted, not realizing that it was you who overexerted yourself. You don't realize the difference between things you must do and things you do because you cannot bear to see someone else do it in a "substandard" way. If only you can let go of the reins just a little bit, you would not feel as weary as you look.

You are the woman who, according to this blasted thing called a birth certificate, is my mother but I never felt that you were one. You are my biological mother but you did not raise me. Based on conventional roles, I would label you more as a father- the provider, the disciplinarian. Regardless, I am connected to you by a bond I cannot sever. It is a curious connection. After all, it is one that demands that I love you even before I was old enough to utter the word. But it does not make me automatically like you.

You are the woman I am most indebted to. In my calm and composed state, I am able to recognize all the things that you have gone through for us and I will always be grateful for that. But when you speak to me and you say things you need to say to feel better about yourself, I can feel bits and pieces of myself being chipped off. You make me feel small to make yourself feel strong. You make me doubt my self-worth to reinforce yours. And, until we can talk on the same level and come to an understanding, I can never like you.

In the end, all I want to say is that I love you. Neither one of us is perfect and I know that. I'm waiting for the time that you acknowledge that, too. I will always love you. But, I need to love myself, too. You know all the chinks in my armor and you insist on shooting at them. You so easily break down the barriers I thought were impenetrable. So, I'll go far away from you. Because distance is my last defense. I will keep loving you from afar because that is the only way I can also still love myself.

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Out of the Bubble

It's ridiculous. I can remember so vividly how much I've longed to finally be done with school. To finally be free of having to deal with home works, projects, exams. To finally have full control of my life. I thought that was what being an adult meant. I thought it would mean freedom from the suffocating restraints of school and overbearing parents. I thought it would mean freedom from the unwarranted expectations of teachers and peers. I thought it would mean freedom to do what I've always wanted to do.

The world that I was so eager to explore now seem too big, too wide, too vast. And, I am nothing more than a small existence in this great space that I feel like I could get swallowed whole in an instant. I have no direction. I have no destination. And, at times, I feel like I don't even know where I currently stand.

The force of the world is so strong- comparable to the raging currents of an overflowing river. And, in that river, I am but a small fish doing my best to find my own direction, regardless of the flow of the water. I am exhausting all my energy, but with no destination in mind, I can only try my best to keep myself in that same spot so I don't get lost any further. Someone told me that falling back on your own life plan is better than being in the same spot, never moving forward nor back. So, should I let myself rest and allow the currents to carry me whichever way it wants?

The world is vast. Yes, I've known that. But I didn't realize that suddenly being thrown out of the protective bubble I've been in would make me so incapable of making a decision. There are so many what-if's, so many could-there-be's. I worry what will happen if I do something, then worry again about the consequences if I don't do it. I thought I had freed myself of my chains, only to realize that I have wound around me a thousand more- chains of doubt, of uncertainty, of fear. I do not feel any freer than I was before.

As a person of considerable talent with more than a healthy amount of ego and ambition, I have many dreams. There are many things I want to grasp within my hands but reality has taught me that it isn't as easy as I once thought it would be. I see the routes to each aspiration at the same time that I see the hurdles that block my way. I want to have them all but cannot even envision the way beyond those obstacles. And, as such, my dreams have become nothing more than drawings on the sand with the waves crashing in to erase what little progress I've made.

I am lost. I have no direction. I have no destination. And, even with a destination, I cannot see past the darkness that hovers over my path. My uncertainty makes me hesitate. My fear plants my feet on the ground. And, each day, little by little, my hope dims. In my current state, I am bound to fail.

I wasn't ready. I still am not ready.

But, then again, are we ever really ready for anything?

Monday, June 13, 2016

I Love Her.

I didn't feel anything.

I kept waiting for the guilt, the remorse. But the feeling never came. Perhaps, I should be basking in the glory of triumph? But, I didn't feel victorious either. Instead, I just kept watching and laughing along as my favorite variety cast finished their missions.

It was ridiculously easy to push the whole incident to the back of my mind and keep acting as though it had never happened. That is, until the reality of it all caught up to me. I didn't feel anything. I was numb. Had I become a hollow shell of the person I supposedly am?

Maybe it's nothing. Maybe this is just how it's supposed to be. Maybe I just analyze too much. Maybe I should have had just let the memory slip away into the darkness until it was forgotten. But, it's too late now. The moment I realized my lack of reaction, I was done for. Doubt crept in. Guilt flooded my soul. But it is fear that reigns over my heart. Fear that came about because I. Felt. Nothing.

It was a huge argument. But every argument we have is huge. Still. I believe we provoked each other in the way that we always manage to do. It all went the way it usually does between us. She speaks her side. I defend myself. She disregards everything I say because, by birth, I will always be beneath her. I don't condone that notion and that will always be the barrier between us. She says her piece and believes that she has rightfully won. I speak up because I am an impetuous child who believes in respect for each other's opinion regardless of station. She thinks she wins by default. I think I win because of my impudent but totally logical defense. In the end, she leaves only to keep coming back to rain sermons about my manner of speech, my stance and my facial expressions.

The thing is, we love each other. We don't say it to each other. I can swear that she has never said those words to me before and I admit that I have only muttered them to her a handful of times. But, I know without a doubt that she loves me and that I love her. And, with that love comes my respect for her. I respect her even if she doesn't believe it. Love and respect are supposed to be universal languages. Except for us, apparently. I think it's because we have different understanding of the concept of love and respect. So, we have different expectations of how we should be to each other. And, we are two people who have difficulty with compromise. We stand rigid with our own principles and views of life.

So, in the end, she says I'm disrespectful, ungrateful and inconsiderate. I say, we have communication problems.

I love her. And we had an argument. And I felt nothing. Now, I feel scared like a child. Because, I'm not supposed to feel nothing. I'm scared because I don't want our constant disagreements and differences in opinions to change who I am. I don't want to be an empty husk, a shell. And, I'm scared. I'm scared. And, I'm suddenly sorry. Because I know that I hurt her. But I chose not to do anything about it. Because no matter how I deny it, I got hurt, too.

What have I become?

I've heard people say that no parent can ever win over their children. I've always snorted at them, half out of indignation, half out of envy. I never felt like she ever let me win. My mother is a strong, proud woman. And, it is very difficult, and often quite infuriating, to live with that kind of person. But then, I am as stubborn and proud as she is. And, so I must think that she finds me no less difficult and infuriating as I find her.

But all these analyses mean nothing. Because I know that, in the end, I will still choose to do nothing. Because I have already bent and bowed more times than I believed right. If I do it again, I'm afraid that I'll break. And, she... Well, she is a more rigid person than I am that bending is simply out of the question.

And, so we stand at an impasse. She'll lick her wounds and I'll lick mine. She'll eventually stop glaring at me and I'll continue to ignore my guilt, holding on to the fact that she hurt me, too. It's childish. On both sides. But I need time to forgive her for not being the kind of mother I expected. And I need time to forgive myself for being unable to be the child she wants me to be. And, we'll go back to our routine of saying barely five words to each other every day. Eventually, through the years, those five words might become a rarity even in a month. Or maybe we'll find a way to finally see each other in better light. But at the moment, I know that the best we can do is to tolerate each other. And, that is enough.

But, this thing I know. Between parent and child, there can be no winner. No side can walk away without a scar. No side can walk away without having to heave a heavy heart. I think that's what it means to be a family- to be bound by something that is thicker than water.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Split Second Choices and Lasting Consequences

Have you ever had one of those moments where you lost all common sense for the smallest fraction of a second only to be bombarded by a magnitude of guilt the next second? To the point that you regret the moment you were even born?

I heard the alarm bells in my head even as I made that fatal decision. But even then, it was already too late. It was one of those moments where panic and fear seizes your heart so strongly that you abandon your morality and sense of responsibility. It was the kind of decision that leads to sleepless nights and hopeless mornings.

I panicked. But that in itself is an excuse. Even now, a small part of my heart whispers to me, chiding me for being a coward. I was afraid. I feared the consequences of my mistake and in my fear I had inevitably committed a graver sin. How's that for stupidity?

But in cases like these, where you do something to cover up a mistake, what are you supposed to do? It was a sin committed against God, an offense against my superior, and an insult to my integrity. Was I supposed to ignore the prickling of my consciense and swallow my principles just so I could escape this circumstance unscathed? Wouldn't that be cowardice? I didn't want to be a coward. Ironic, isn't it? Wasn't it my cowardice that got me in this situation in the first place?

If I confessed to my sin, there was a chance that I would lose all the work I've put into the last three years of my life. If I didn't, they probably wouldn't even notice it and everything will go on smoothly. In the end, it became a war between my worldly self and my morally upright self. How wonderful would it have had been if I could have had been able to put a mute on the warring voices in my head and pretend that nothing happened? The thing is, I heard them.

As an answer to my desperate prayers for guidance, I ended up watching a Korean drama(Who Are You, School Series 2015) that featured a similar circumstance. The teacher reminded his student that when you make a mistake and you choose not to put it to right, you might not suffer any immediate consequences but you might lose the ability to tell right from wrong. The words were nothing but simple facts but they resounded in my heart, reminding me of what I already knew. To seal the deal, the friend who recommended the series to me gave a solid advice.

"If you're stuck between two difficult choices, always choose to do the right thing."

I admitted my mistake to my superior. I had to wait over a week to hear the verdict. But I was able to rest relatively well, bar my discomfort over my superiors knowing about my blunder. I was not dismissed but was dealt a greater deal of consequence than I would have had been given had I not panicked in the first place.

Still, I learned what it truly means to take responsibility. I've proven that despite my half-heartedness in my course, I respect it enough that I could not allow myself to finish it by cheating myself and my superiors. I was reminded that there are things more important than a clean record, than pride, than reputation.

My words may be vague and confusing but let me be clear about my message. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay to be tempted to do wrong. It's okay to succumb to temptation. We are human. But let us not allow ourselves to lose our humanity by choosing to ignore our conscience.

Is your moral compass still functional?

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

What are friends for?

It's a simple question. And, I have a simple answer to it that might offend most- if not all- of you.  So, before I go off defending myself, let's start with a simpler question. What are friends? That should be easy enough to answer. Or, at least it should be, considering that we've been going around making friends since we were in diapers. But, then, everything was simpler when we were younger. Now? Not so much.

Friend. A textbook definition would be a person who is in good terms with another. That seems straight-forward enough, right? But then we got older and we began to realize that there are people we were in good terms with but hold at a distance. The simple motion of saying 'Hi' and agreeing on your favorite TV show is no longer enough to consider this stranger a friend. We began to be more picky about the people we hand that title to. We began to distinguish between acquaintances, friends, close friends and all those fun circles. And, with this complication in judging our relationships with other people, we began to build up greater expectations from friends. We began to demand more while not necessarily giving more. We began to throw around suffocating chains without considering whether the level of attachment is mutual.

As years go by, we realize just how huge this world is. We meet more and more people. We are exposed to more and more types of personalities. And, at the same time, we grow, develop and change. Our perspective of life shifts. Our priorities are rearranged. Our beliefs are challenged. Yet, somehow, our friends are still the same -in the sense that they are the same existence but not necessarily the same people. After all, time has changed them, too. This is the thing we have a hard time understanding. We become so caught up with ourselves that we forget that the things that have changed us may have changed them, too. But experiences, even if they're the same, does not mold any two persons the same way. So we are stuck in a group of people we once held close to our hearts but no longer relate to. The sad thing is, we begin to demand that they remain compatible to who we have become. We expect them to compromise themselves to fit our needs and wants. But, of course, that wouldn't work. Not in the long run, at least. And, within the wreckage, we realize one thing: that friendship never stood a chance, not with the way we handled it.

Time changes us. We grow. And, sometimes, we just grow apart. It's nobody's fault. It just happens. But, even in these cases, I see no reason to feel sad. All things come to an end. All you can do is wish for that friend to find happiness among new companions and for you to have the same. There is no need to mourn for the loss of a friendship, after all, those good memories of better times will remain untainted. And, when things settle down and when you're in a clearer state of mind, you can revisit those moments with your friend. And, you'll have fun but you'll know deep inside that parting ways- no matter the manner it was done- was the right decision.

Friendship is a relationship founded on common ground but strengthened by accepting your differences. But there are times when those differences create a gap so wide that it can't be bridged over by any compromise. It's just a matter of acknowledging this and learning when to let go.

Okay, so yeah. Maybe that wasn't as easy a question to answer as I thought it was. And, I'm pretty sure there are a lot of people who disagree with my perspective but since I'm on a roll, let's keep going. What are friends for? Hearing the echoes of my words, it seems as though I'm saying that friends are nothing but companions you keep around until they're no longer useful to you. In a way, that's true. Now if only I can figure out a more eloquent way of saying that.

Friendship is a give and take relationship. And, when you can no longer give what the other needs or when that other person can no longer give what you need, then it's only logical to call it quits. That just sounds so clinical, so detached, that I'm starting to wonder how I even still have friends. But it is the reality we live in. Or, for your sake, I hope it is the reality you live in. Because when a relationship has long passed its due date but you continue to maintain it, you will realize sooner or later that it is doing you more harm than good.

Friends are there to support you, to encourage you, to empathize with you, and, when necessary, to push you to action. They are those great beings who can help you go beyond what you assumed to be your limits. And, in return, you do these things for them, too. The thing is, we don't always want to share all our moments to all our friends. It's disgusting to admit it but there are some friendships we enjoy in moments of triumph and some friendships we nurture in moments of despair. We are all constantly changing. We're going through life in different ways. And, that doesn't always allow us the ability to accommodate our friends' needs at all times nor are they always able to accommodate us. But, sometimes, it's just the difference in personalities that limits us from being able to live through all phases of life together with them. So, we choose what moments we want to share with whom. This may build distance between us and our friends but it's better than losing them altogether. Unless, of course, we happen to be lucky enough to find the Cristina to our Meredith, then all this is moot. Because that friendship was a match made in heaven.

Some will consider my words as downright rude and insulting but I believe it holds merit. And, I'm pretty sure that some people think that I'm a user. I don't think I am. But if believing in all of these makes me one, then I guess that's what I am.

Friday, June 5, 2015

Sheldon Cooper

I hope the creators of the Big Bang Theory will forgive me for using one of their characters in this rant of mine. If you haven’t watched the show, I recommend that you try doing so. It has that unique ability to make you feel dumb and smart at the same time. People who watch the show will understand. ;)

It’s kind of funny, watching these geniuses deal with everyday life as it is upturned by the presence of “average”-minded friends. To be honest, I think the most “normal” out of them is Leonard. But, it’s Sheldon Cooper whom I find myself relating to the most. And, before someone bashes me for claiming to be a genius, I’d like to clarify that it is his quirkiness that I relate to. And, just like Seth Alary, I think there’s a bit of Sheldon Cooper in each of us, no matter how small or big that bit might be.

So, let me tell you a bit about my interpretation of Sheldon Cooper. I ask the avid fans of the show to forgive me if I had somehow misinterpreted his character, considering that I'm a few seasons behind. Anyway, the thing that I keep remembering about Sheldon is how picky he is with his seat. In their apartment, there's only one spot he is comfortable sitting at and he insists on sitting there despite the changing circumstances. And, it's always fun to watch him struggle to find a similarly comfortable seat whenever he finds himself in a new setting.

Now, I may not be as picky as him but I think I almost am. I've walked out of several restaurants and cafes just because my usual spot was taken or because I couldn't decide on a seat that I'd be comfortable in. Finding that perfect spot is just so difficult! I mean, you have to consider things like the distance to the emergency exit. Or the vantage point- because a huge part of being a writer is people watching and so I like to be in corners where I can see everything. Yup, I'm the creepy girl you sometimes notice in the corner booth who blankly stares at you while you eat. Anyway, there's also sunlight, wind, access to CR and all those stuff I'm sure "normal" people don't really bother with. If it wouldn't be so weird, I'd test out all the seats in the cafe before settling on one, but it is weird so I end up letting my companions decide where we sit.

In relation to this annoying trait is his inability to or difficulty in adapting to situations. He has those moments when things don't go according to his plan and his eye twitches, like when someone unexpected joins them for dinner or when his usual order in the restaurant isn't available. The thing about this is, I can't decide whether it's a matter of being obsessive-compulsive or if it's all about the need to feel in control. The two has always felt connected to me. I have a tendency to be OC. I mean, if you see my room you wouldn't think so but there is an order to things and it annoys me when it isn't followed. But, I think this OC tendency stems from a need to feel a semblance of control over things in life. Because, as most of you would understand, so many things in life just feel so volatile, so out of reach, so out of our control. And, more often than not, I feel like I'm just being driven through life by external forces. And, I don't like that feeling. I don't think anybody would.

Most people probably find better ways of handling this need for control but the need is there. In everyone. I think. People just find other ways of dealing with it instead of going ballistic every time things get out of hand.

Like BDSM. Heh.