I watch a lot of action movies and one of the most recurring scenes is that of someone, despite their burly appearance, begging for their lives when placed at gunpoint. What is it that brings brave gang men to tears when placed in the brink of death? I used to think that it was due to cowardice and that I was better than them because I wouldn't beg. I would accept the fate given me.
I never understood it- the fear of death. Why be afraid of the inevitable? Why postpone something that would eventually have to pass? We would all have to die. It's the cycle of life. I understood and accepted this truth. But a few years into my life has made me realize that perhaps the act of begging for one's life isn't simply from cowardice or from want to continue living. It is from a sudden realization that comes only when faced with death. The realization that you're not yet ready.
I'm not talking about having unfinished business because we'll always have those. I'm not talking about having regrets because I've long realized the frailty of human life and have learned to live with as little regrets as possible. No, I'm talking about our need to feel eternal. And, before you say something, this isn't some misguided crusade for the search for the fountain of youth in an effort to evade death. I believe that eternal life is achieved only in the afterlife.
Legacy. That's the only way to put it in one word. Our complicated need to leave a mark on this world. A reassurance that we ever existed. Something that would continue to exist long after our body turns back to dust. We fear death because we realize that we haven't left a legacy yet. What is there to say that you were once alive in this world and you lived a true and meaningful life?
I often find myself staring into space and thinking of all the things I've done in my life. It is a short list for I have yet to truly live. But, it scares me to think that it seems as though I have yet to do anything that could build towards something worth being remembered for.
How about you? How have you fared so far?
