As the year comes to an end, I can't help but think back to all the happenings of 2014. A lot has happened. A lot has changed. Some friendships were mended yet there were others still that were lost- to time, to distance, to trivial misunderstandings. Treasures have been lost, others found a way back to me somehow but the rest were lost to the world forever. People have come to disrupt my routine and have gone in just about the same abrupt manner. Lessons have been learned and unlearned. Experiences. Memories. Smiles. Laughter. Tears.
Too many things have happened in the past year. So how does one begin the coming year renewed? What does it mean to start fresh? To start with a blank slate? How do you take all these things and just... make them disappear? All the joy and the pains of these past months, how do you get rid of them? The answer is simple. You don't.
You are molded by your experiences, your memories- the moments that made you smile and laugh, the moments that made you cry and crumble, the moments that made you doubt yourself, the moments of your defeat and failures. So, how could you possibly just get rid of them in hopes of doing better the coming year by starting anew? Your memories are a part of who you are and you can't just do away with them. Even if they hurt. So, what we do is we keep them as closed chapters of our lives. We put them in boxes and leave them there until times come when we need to consult them to remind ourselves of our past mistakes, to relearn lessons once learned, to avoid repeating history. But for so long as they are not needed, they remain untouched and they become nothing more than the past that has led you into becoming who you are now.
The problem comes when you realize that not all memories can be boxed away because not all loose ends have been dealt with, not all questions have been answered, not all qualms have been put to rest. As you trudge through your memories, you realize how much unfinished business you have left. Are these not the things that you shouldn't bring to the next year? At least, not in the current state that they are in. These loose ends, questions and qualms, should you not settle them now?
I'm not sure I'm making sense. My mind appears to be a mess. Perhaps I am grieving the things I have lost this year- friends, ideologies, trust, hope. Or perhaps I am lost in the world of unfinished business I have yet to settle. Or perhaps this is simple the way my mind works.
The world is a curious, curious place. And, for lack of anything better to say, I wish you all a Happy New Year! May you put to rest any open cases before the year comes to an end.